Category Archives: Satellite

Rafting Down The Meat River With Sean Stenlake

Posted on by under Gambling, poker, Satellite, Sean Stenlake, World Series of Poker Main Event

Stenlake the Monkey Boy just sent me a text to inform me that Poker Stars is  having a $370 World Series of Poker Main Event satellite tournament on the 20th of June, 2010.  Is he new or something?  Poker Stars probably has ten satellites to the main event every day.  Actually let me hold on a second before ridiculing him.  I’ll go check out the Poker Stars website and see what’s really going  on.  Hold on one second.

Well it turns out that Sean is kind of correct in a sense.  June 20th is in fact the LAST day to qualify for the Main Event via satellite and for the $370 dollars you can in fact directly buy in to the last Mega Satellite Tournament.  There are 200 packages to the Main Even guaranteed but in all likelyhood there will be many more seats then that actually won.  Its a pretty cool package too and includes spending cash, accomodations at the Palms Resort and Casino where I stayed with Briar on our wedding night, and more, including huge bonuses for anyone who qualifies through Poker Stars that actually wins the tournament, as well as your choice of prostitutes to enjoy during your stay, tickets to see Wayne Newton perform live in Henderson, Nevada, and a complimentary Poker Stars hat and bumper sticker.  All in all, a compelling adventure for sure.

Forget for a moment that our chances of being in the top 200 of that tournament are Slim to None.  It would be great to win.  Forget also for a moment that I don’t have a Poker Stars account anymore, in fact, I play on Poker Stars using a fraudulent account with Sean Stenlakes name.  You see, when I first started learning how to play poker a few years back I went a little bit cookoo and sort of wrote about ten electronic checks that sort of bounced.  Ever since then I’ve had trouble getting Poker Stars to see my side of the story.  Being a degenerate, tilted out of my mind, donkey boy poker player at the time is not an excuse they want to hear.

Sean Stenlake, you’re a good kid.  Thanks for the heads up on that tournament.  I truly wish I could play in it.  Alas, I cannot.  So I will continue rafting down the meat river alone forever.

Check out the screen shot. It says it all biotch.

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Lena wins! She’s hot.

Posted on by under Anthony Mandich proposes to Lena, brilliant man, chick music, complete moron, Contest Winners I would like to make love to, Eurovision Song Contest, LENA, Lena Slaps Anthony Mandich, Satellite

Lena singing "Satellite" to Anthony Mandich and 3,000,000,000 others

It’s Tuesday the First of June, 2010.  I slept all day long.  I woke up very groggy at 7pm or so.  Thirsty, Hungry, Still Tired, like a newborn and very cute baby mewling for milk.  I rub my eyes…I wonder what makes me wake up when I’m so tired and I was in this lovely dream with Briar.  Alls I remember is kissing and stuff.  It was nice. What woke me up?  Then I hear it again, the first few chords of Bolan’s Crash, by the fabulous New Bomb Turks.  It can only mean one thing,someone is texting me.  I find my Palm Pixi smashed under my leg and turn it on.  I’ve got texts up the ass.  Not literally.

So its an hour later right now.  I haven’t checked my texts but I did use You Tube to slowly reacclimate myself to the world.  Instead of doing the usual searches:  Poker Bad Beats, Poker Bluffs, MMA Fights, Hot Chicks, Phil Laak-Boy Genius, Hell on Earth etc., this time I just went with the Popular selections.

I entered the world of mass hysteria.  Gay.  For the most part.  Except Lena a hot German bitch who apparently won a contest I didn’t know existed for best song.  It must be something like American Idol I guess.  The video wasn’t even her song, it was just someone who was filming her a few minutes after she won, backstage, as she talked to the Prime Minister of some country, apparently Germany and a few other sycophantic individuals, kissing her ass and fawning over her, asking her ridiculous question after ridiculous question.

I gotta be honest.  She’s smoking fucking hot.  I would love to kiss her ass.  Ha ha ha.  I might as well be honest with you.  She made me feel real funny inside.  Its been a while since I got some!

Too bad I’ll never be able to hit that.  I think that’s all I got for today children.  See ya later kids.